I'm not sure why I should care. The last three years have been the absolute worst years of my life. I can't imagine any reason for it to get better. Heartbreak, death, incarceration, and perpetual failure have been the taint of my existence. No surprise there. How many days is three years? I don't think I want to know.
I had a short stint at construction work last week. It was due to a friend's generosity. Her brother-in-law was working on rebuilding her garage and because she knows I am pathetic and in need of some kind of cash, she asked him if he had any use for me. He agreed. Mostly because he's a nice guy. I didn't really do anything remarkable. I spackled and caulked. Oh and I did a little painting with a weenie-roller. It was two days' worth of work. It was perfectly mindless but wonderfully distracting. My body has never been so sore. Standing on ladders for hours at a time, who knew it could be so damn hard? I gave the money I made to my mother. She needs it more than I do. Besides, if I had kept the money I'd probably just drink it away. Well, there's no probably to it, I know I would drink it away. It's what I do.
I ran a search through my e-mail account and learned that I have sent over 300 resumes out in the last two weeks. Resumes for any and all kinds of work. You name it, I've sent it. I have a resume for all season. And then I tweak as appropriate. I have even gone so far as to eliminate any reference to my education. I am no longer a college graduate. Not that it matters. The fact that people advertise for jobs which a rhesus monkey could perform and then go so far as to ask that the monkey-human in question have a college degree, is mind blowing. It doesn't take a person with a college education to file your fucking papers, type your memos, or use a copy machine. But then again, I've met quite a few people with college educations who lack the sense of a slug.
In the meantime I amuse myself by finding web sites similar to this. I am thinking of putting one together myself.
I actually have $20.00 that I did not give to my mother. Tomorrow morning I may walk to the store and purchase a bottle of shitty wine and tampons. Then I'll come home, ride a cotton rocket, and drink myself to sleep. (It's almost 5AM and I haven't slept all night, so I'm probably going to be hitting the sack at around 12 or 1pm.) I wish it were possible to sleep through the rest of this fucking year. Hating life is just that much more easy to do during the holidays. Fuck Thanksgiving and Fuck Xmas! That's right. Bah-motherfucking-humbug. And I won't be changing my mind any time soon.