Swipe Right/Left/Up/Down and All Around...

A little over a week ago I signed up for an OK Cupid account. That was a mistake. Being unemployed I couldn't afford the “upgrades” which would allow me to see who was “liking” my profile (not sure that I would ever pay for a dating profile anyway), but I did get over a hundred likes in the three days I kept the account open.  I don't know if that's good or not. 

My profile was pretty boring. I had some of my less ogre-ish looking selfies, a picture of me with my son, and a few pictures of me lifting. I was also very forthcoming in my description about my political leanings and motivations for creating a profile. I wanted to meet men or women for friendship, conversation, and that's about it. I miss adult humans.  Or thought I did.  That I'm aware there's not an app that lets you meet people for friendship, or simple conversation. I guess MeetUps come close, but I'm not keen on meeting people right off the bat.  I am probably wrong about the non-existence of a "friendship app," as there does indeed appear to be an app for just about everything. I was also very clear (maybe too clear) that I wasn't interested in random hook-ups, relationships, or anything along those lines. I even mentioned that I am going on five years without sex and wouldn't be upset if I ended up going another five years or more. Of the two men (sadly, no ladies wanted to be friends) who reached out to me, one was incredibly boring. So much so that I thought perhaps he was a Turing Test bot sent by OK Cupid to measure my ability to navigate their product. The other was nice enough, but asked me a little too much about what it's like to go five years without sex. “Fine,” I told him. “I miss intelligent conversation more than I miss sex.” After that he told me he had to take a shower, and then I never heard from him again. I wasn't upset.  The next morning I deactivated my account and deleted the app from my tablet and phone.

Ultimately, I am left wondering why it's so difficult for me to make connections with people. I wasn't hoping for love, but was merely hoping someone would see we had common interests, reach out, and engage me. It didn't happen. My conclusion? I am not very interesting. But I've known this. Even when I was in my prime years (maybe my early twenties) I would not have described myself as interesting. So it's not surprising that my profile failed to elicit a meaningful response of any sort. 

I mean, I've had a pretty shit last few weeks and have heard from none of my flesh and blood friends. A total of three people have contacted me to ask me if I'm OK.  One person has called (someone I've never even met, but love like I've known her for years).  Otherwise, my so-called "real" friends, they couldn't be bothered to give a fuck about how I'm feeling.  Once upon a time I would have been offended and taken their lack of concern as a measure of my value as a human being, now I've simply decided to return the favor and not give a shit about them either.  Sorta.  They're still all people I love and would help if I could, but my sense of urgency might be blunted a bit.  

What my brief OK Cupid experiment has done is gotten me to thinking about the subject of compatibility as a general proposition.  Not just romantic compatibility, but human compatibility.  The last thing I want is a romantic relationship, but I'm fascinated by human relationships, even the romantic kinds. I wish I could sit down with people in relationships/deep friendships and ask them what it is they think makes things work for them. The usual questions don't interest me. Questions like, “How did you meet?” “How long have you been together/been friends?” I guess I'm interested in more abstract things. What keeps people glued to one another for years and years? What makes someone decided to pick up the phone and check in on someone they saw less than twenty-four hours ago?  How do they avoid the usual traps that appear to torpedo most relationships/friendships? What makes someone someone else's “favorite” person? 

I guess I'll never know. 

Anyway. I won't be joining any dating services again. Ever. And that's not a knock on them. My baby sister is engaged to a very nice young man she met on a dating app. She's a Millennial. I think that shit just works better for them.