To sleep without sleeping . . .

I woke up at 2am. I'm still up. I don't know if I will sleep any more.

I had dreams about Mr. TO1. We were actors. We starred in bad commercials together. And I was in love with him, but I could always tell he wanted me far away. He didn't need me. But I kept needing him.

In six months I won't think about him as much. I look forward to this possibility, because thinking about him hurts my heart and makes my eyes hurt.

In the words of Ryan Adams, "I ain't even been a good enough to ever keep around."

So it was with past friends, lovers, and even my father. When will I learn?

Maybe in the next life?