And why am I praising my morning coffee? These days it's the only thing I look forward to with any consistency. I hate the overrated shitty little hipster mecca I am forced to live in; I am unemployed; I have no money; and I hate where I live. Wait. I said that already. Well, it's true. I can't think of the last time I had something I was genuinely excited about. Even the weather continues to suck balls. It's almost fucking November and the temperatures are still near 90 fucking degrees! What bullshit. Lest I find myself diving deeper into the murkier depths of psychological despair I try and find tiny things, little existential bites, to hold onto; because if I don't, I get very scared of where I might end up.
This morning I received yet another rejection for a job. It was a data entry position that any monkey could do. The interview and interviewer were half-assed and the job did not require any specific or significant intelligence to speak of; even so, the position was awarded to someone else. When I inquired with the employer about what they found lacking in my qualifications they simply said, "We just chose to go in another direction." I've heard this before and it's not in the least bit helpful. What it really means is, "We have the ability to be completely arbitrary and selective in our process and feel no need to share any information with you which might aid you in acquiring work." At this point I'd be fine with hearing, "Well, the other person had bigger tits and was way hotter than you." Or, "We don't like your hair." But when you receive no feedback whatsoever, none, it leaves you feeling more demoralized than ever. So, I have come to a new conclusion about my job search: I am not going to search for a job any more. What the fuck for? The only way you can get decent jobs in this town is to fuck the right people. That's not a lie.
I'm too old for that shit. And I'm not fuckable.
I still want to escape this shitwaste vat of overrated garbage and I will...eventually.