I don't make New Year's resolutions. Never have, never will. What's the point? If you really want to do something with your life, you'll do it. And well, mostly, everything I've ever wanted to do with my life has been out of reach or not the kind of thing a person like me is meant to be doing. You know, good things, things which will make a life seem worth living? Well, those things are out of my reach. Nevertheless, here is my list of expectations for 2009, along with a list of things best left forgotten in 2008.
Best Left Forgotten in 2008:
-Having to come back to this shithole of a wannabe city in this shit stain of a state.
-Having met, and foolishly fallen for, yet another man whose only concern was treating me as a life support system for a vagina.
-Sleeping on the street.
-Friends. I have made the conscious decision to do all of my friends the favor of receding from their lives. In the end, they'll thank me for it. My skin crawls at the thought of someone having to acknowledge me as a friend. I don't care to put anyone through that type of embarrassment.
-Botched attempt at offing myself. (Note to self, buy more pills, or just get a rope. I can't afford a gun.)
-My father's dying on my birthday and being found behind a dumpster in a shitty Texas town. (Thanks for that, Daddy! It's not enough that our relationship was complicated while you were alive, but your death made it that much more bizarre and hard to deal with.)
Things to Remember about 2008
-That Sunday in Dolores Park with Jenna, Lincoln, and Spencer. I'll take the day with me to my grave. There's no point in describing it. You just had to be there to know how damn good it was.
-Every time I had a chance to watch Jenna dance.
-Making a couple of new e-friends. These are a lot less hard to handle than real friends. E-friends don't have to be seen in public with you. It makes a huge difference.
-Accepting the fact that I just don't like being alive. And that's okay. It really is okay.
-Watching Barack Obama become the 44th president of these United States of America.
Things to Look Forward to in 2009
-Getting the fuck out of Texas. For good. Otherwise, life is just life. No better than yesterday.